Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
