we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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