i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
