i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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