accomplished twins. life is a go
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Randomize
