I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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