His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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