note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
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