1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
there was a trapeze. enough said
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
