____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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