Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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