The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
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