The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
