It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
