I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
