do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
