Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
