just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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