She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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