So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize