we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
