I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i think i have two assholes
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
