apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
