why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
