If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
