Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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