So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
