I have demons in me.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize