ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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