so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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