Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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