Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Holy sore nipples Batman
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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