I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
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