I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
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