apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
