you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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