Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
