if you like me you must not know who I am
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
