I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
