I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I just cut my nipple shaving
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
