I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
