So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
