i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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