I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
