What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize