Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
