Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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