Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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