She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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