Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
