Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
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