We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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