I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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