She is in my trunk
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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