Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Fuck appropriateness.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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