The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
