shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Your mouth is God's brothel.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
