i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
