This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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