That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I wear drunk well.
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