Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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