Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
