Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
