You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Randomize
