We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
