fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
