My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Randomize
