peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
