Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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