brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
