There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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