He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
MIDGETS
????
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
