I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Randomize
