Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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