so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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