He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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