so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
