ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
