Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
