There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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