Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
