So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
