I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
