Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize