Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
