i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
