My nipple is on Facebook.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
