well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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